Santa upset, as New York loses out

New York, Paris and London were Grinch Green with envy last night, after their bids to host Santa were scooped by the small villages of Wraysbury & Horton, which sit nestled between Heathrow Airport and the M25 and M4 motorways.


New Yorkers complained that it was ridiculous that such small hamlets should host the worlds greatest star, leaving the three mega cities thwarted. It is suspected that Santa turned his back on New York after his last visit there in 2001 resulted in him being chased by the Central Park Rangers.

“..brilliant as always. Thank you so much to all involved! Happy Christmas x” (Hayley)

Nobody knows why The North Pole Authority actually chose these pretty villages, it has been suggested that practical reasons, such as The Sleigh being serviced at Lakeside Garage, or that Rudolph had arranged a hoof polish for the rest of his team at Five Star Nails, or even that Santa had been having a Cut and Blow Dry at Nikkis, but apparently NDAs have been issued, and nobody is telling. It is possible he was en-route to visit Benta Hickley for a costume adjustment, as some sharp eyed watchers did notice his iconic outfit was showing some slight wear and tear, but again we have no confirmation, but Benta’s famous magical fingers are believed to be the only place that the North Pole Authority would ever consider using for such important and fine work.

We do know that local resident Doug Robinson had been in long protracted negotiations, via contacts in The North Pole Authority, and that an undercover communications network, managed by ex MI6 ’00’ agent Henry Perez had been busy making plans, with assistance from a syndicate of communications experts codenamed Diane Cranmer who had been orchestrating a media black-out, cleverly using  a secret organisation called Wraysbury News, which is cleverly hidden in clear sight in a part of the village called Facebook. These secret machinations effectively hid the event from the worlds biggest media outlets, which has caused the upset, and embarrassment. It is believed to be the fact that New York, Paris and London, who had expected to share in this major event were forced to screen re-runs of Polar Express, instead of their advertised live Santa Tour coverage that has caused the furore.

It has been suggested that the crowds watching Santa as he made his way through the villages rivalled the recent 4 million crowd that greeted Lionel Messi’s World Cup winning team home coming, we don’t have any confirmation, but there was certainly a fantastic turn out. Messi might be able to run rings around 11 opponents for 90 minutes, but the great man can cover about a billion residences in one night, there is no comparison.

For the route taken, click here

This snub does not bode well for US – North Pole relations: Google had been hoping to do a deal to fix a Street View camera, to capture the whole world in one night, but it is thought the aero-dynamics were causing too much stress on the reindeer; and Elon Musk recently tweeted that his team were working on a solar powered sleigh replacement, but having some issues getting it to work in the dark, Elon suggesting that “..maybe Santa should get with the program and reschedule his delivery service to a more practical day time slot”; and Uber Eats had been suggesting they were looking to sub-contract some of their deliveries to The North Pole Authority, but were having issues persuading the elves to broaden their manufacturing base to include pizza and chicken balti, suggesting that Christmas gifts didn’t have the year round appeal.

“Thank you so much, my two loved it! So helpful having the tracker too!” (KAT)

We will doubtless never know the whole story, but you can be certain that the major TV networks will not be caught out again next year, and it is expected they will descend on Wraysbury and Horton next year. It has also been suggested that Coca-Cola may move their worldwide headquarters to Wraysbury, in order to maintain their long association with the great man, it has been suggested they are looking at a plot on Welley Road, currently occupied by a small bungalow, on which to build a new Mega HQ.

We at believe that Santa and the North Pole Authority chose Wraysbury and Horton, as it is one of the few places on earth to maintain the true community spirit that is central to the North Pole Authorities plans for Christmas going forward, and believe it was as a reward to all those local residents that have worked so tirelessly over the last year keeping our community so well supported.

The editorial team might know more about these amazing events, we know more people were involved, and that this was a mammoth task but are saying no more, for fear of being put on the Naughty List.

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